When you work three days in a row, your feet start to hurt. Not only your feet, but also your legs start to wobble, your tendons start to separate, and your heart cracks in two (I started to get a little bit metaphorical towards the end there). When I work three days in a row, there's only one thing that keeps me going: cruddy store-brand pop. With cruddy store-brand pop, you can find everything you need. Looking for something like Mountain Dew? Try Sassy Bubbles! It's just like Mountain Dew except with a longer aftertaste that lingers while you sleep and in the morning you smell like the immigrant worker who slaved away to make all those Sassy Bubbles.
You might also try some flavors that are simply listed as colors. You may think that Magenta is a sort of grape drink, but it's actually made from high fructose corn syrup and artificial fruit. Who knows if there's any grapes in there? Go ahead, find out! Maybe you might want to try some Yellow. It's not actually urine, but it sure does look like it!
There are also pops that are merely labeled as feelings you get when you drink them. For example, Warm is a popular favorite of mine. Not only is this pop incapable of being refrigerated but it also makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. If that's not your alley and you are looking for something a little bit darker, you might want to try Mellow. It's not yellow like Mellow Yellow (thank goodness, because how else would you tell them apart?). It's actually black. Made from real tar and cherry flavoring, Mellow just makes you feel like an oversized oil rig. Then there's nothing to do but lie on the couch and watch T.V.
Whatever your choice in cruddy store brand pop may be, I hope you understand that there are side effects. For example, I haven't done any homework for six months. You know when I started drinking cruddy store brand pop? Six months ago! It gets me through those long, hard days, which, as of late, has been every day. I know they aren't always the healthiest for you but who needs healthiness when you have youth?
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