Not Everything is Exciting in Slow Motion

At work, there are certain types of people that you hope will not come through your line. They are the ones that terrorize you in a way that is only imaginable in James Bond movies. When they come through your line, your heart doesn't beat faster, they actually have the ability to make it move slower (eventually you might die from lack of blood circulation). Most people know that they should avoid this type of behavior, but others feel it is their right as the customer. They are: slow people.

I hate slow people. First, they come through your line with a wide variety of assorted groceries. Then, they place them each on the conveyor belt one by one until they have been properly sorted. This way, I, the unreliable checker, will not somehow put her eggs under her 20 pound turkey (like I haven't had weeks of training for that). Next, when I scan their groceries, we find out that they did not get a price on the almonds in the Organic section. So, I call over a manager and ask her to kindly go check it out. Then comes the awkward silence. I realize I should be an expert at silences, but I do not want to risk any of his/her slowness rubbing off on me. Once the manager returns, I scan through everything and it is time to pay.

Paying is the worst. If they pay with a check, I have to stand there and watch them find the checkbook in their purse, search for a pen (before I eventually give them one), write the check incorrectly, I correct them, write the check correctly, look it over for thirty seconds, and hand it to me. By then my arms have fallen off so I have to use my mouth to put it into the machine. If they pay by credit card, I have to explain everything. "Scan it this way. No, the other way. Nope, that's the same way. Try a little bit faster. Now, move a little slower. Try going down instead of up. Just give it to me. There, perfect. Congratulations on your ability to do nothing in such a long period of time."

I love stopping to smell the roses as much as the next person, but not at work. Society is a fast-paced dog-eat-dog world and if you just leisurely stroll your way through it, I am going to take the cane you are using and chase you down the hallway. Maybe, then you will realize how fast you can truly be.