Bore! What are they good for? Absolutely Nothin'! Say it Again!

John Updike, a U.S. author once said, "A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience." Well, if that is true then I know some people who spend a little too much time at McDonalds, if you know what i mean. Pumbaas (this is the name I sometimes give to "boar"-ing people) are the ones who, when you ask, "How's your day going?" actually tell you their life story. Listen, if I wanted to know about the cereal you ate for breakfast or the fact that you got a new bike at Fry Fest last Saturday, I would ask. When you ask me if I like fishing and I say no, stop pestering me about fishing. I don't want to go! Anyway, this post is not supposed to be about boring people. Instead, I would like to share with you all Slimshaney's List Of Boredom Be-gone Easy Rules (SLOBBER):
1) When speaking to someone of a boring nature, make sure to avoid direct eye contact. If you pretend that you actually enjoy the conversation, your next one will begin with, "Grandma did the funniest thing yesterday..." We don't want that now do we?
2) There are several things that you should not bring up in a conversation when talking to Pumbaa. First of all, never mention relatives. Unless if you want a flood of unrelenting questions about what college your sister goes to, it's best to just leave it alone. Also, never bring up activities that you are involved in, favorite food, past schools, pets, or any interests whatsoever. You're only feeding the fire if you do.
3) Don't say anything funny. ANYTHING. FUNNY. While you forget about what you even said, this person will spend the rest of your lives pretending that you have some sort of inside joke that binds you forever.
4) Finally, be nice. Do not be mean to a Pumbaa. Picture this: you tell your Pumbaa that they annoy you and that you don't want to be friends. Next, your new mortal enemy goes to the local voodoo shop, buys a couple of creepy, headless dolls, and commences their ever-long quest to rid the world of the "Evil Menace" (you).

So, remember to follow these helpful tips and avoid Pumbaas at all costs. I'm going to stop writing now. I'm a little bored.