I have yet to blog about how Christmas went. Well, let me start with my evaluation of Santa. I'm going to give Santa a solid B+ this year. I can tell that he gave a good effort, but really, Santa? Really? You used the same wrapping paper that my parents used. Step it up a notch. I expect different wrapping paper from you. This way when I creep downstairs, in my jumbo-sized dog-Snuggie, I can tell which presents are yours and which are my parents. Now, I don't blame you for this mistake. I understand that Christmas is a big undertaking and with any big project, delegation is required. I would like to have the names of your most trusted elves and their address so that I may mail this letter to them as well. If they have an e-mail, I guess I could just send them this link. While we are on the topic of elves, I would like to address the unfair treatment of Freddy's employees. Since we sell some of the products that you make in your factory, I feel that we should be rewarded with a certain kind of compensation. To be frank, I want a reindeer. Let's face it, cars will soon be a thing of the past, and travelling by magic reindeer will be the only way to get to my weekly Nutri-Smoothie "meetings". It may be difficult for you to fly without one of your reindeer, but perhaps, if you rethought the structure of your sleigh, some of them would be unnecessary. Preferably, I would like Prancer, but if I have to take Blitzen, I will. I do not want that over-rated children's fantasy Rudolph. Maybe, you could cut off Rudolph's nose and put it on one of the other reindeer. Then, Rudolph would take the place of the reindeer I am taking.
Santa, there is another thing I would like for you to know. Recently, we have been learning about childhood obesity. I'm guessing that you think cookies and milk are harmless and safe. Well, do you know how much sugar is in flavored milk that they put in school cafeterias? A whole wheel-barrow full! And you're drinking one glass at every house in the world! We don't even know what's in Chinese milk! I realize that it is kind of your thing to drink milk and eat cookies, but why not try something more healthy? I'm sure children would be just as jolly putting out plates of peanut butter and celery for Santa to enjoy. Well, that's all for this year. Thanks again for stopping by!
Your Obedient, Humble Servant,
SlimShaney :)
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