Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Bloggy Blotter and the Bloggly Blallows: Blart Blue

This is my final blog post. As Fergie once said, "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now...and big girls don't cry." Wow. Fergie really gets me. Not only did she understand that I was Fergilicious and that it was time for my London Bridges to be comin' down, she knows how I feel about blogs. Though I never really stayed up on them and I did not really like doing them...well I guess there really isn't an upside to that. I did enjoy the idea of self-expression and designing something was purely left to myself, but there was so much else to do, blogs usually fell to the back of the homework pile.

Anyway, enough reflections on blogs. Now, I shall reflect on smething I care much more about, Harry Potter. The final movie is just around the corner and I am really freakin excited. That is all.

It has been a good year. I was very involved in choir, theatre, and my education (sort of). I wouldn't say that this class has necessarily helped me grow that much as a writer, but as an analyst of writings, I am now much improved. When I am reading books, I notice more stylles with which the author tries to direct us down a path. I also know how to randomly write about nonsense for 1200 words. The most important thing I have learned in this class, the thing I will use through life and take to my grave is the importance of proper facial hair grooming.

Farewell, Beard...............Hello, World.

Summer Workin'

This whole school year, I have been blogging about work, but the thing is, work is completely different in the summer. First of all, you get to wear short sleeved shirts. My personal perspiration problem thanks Freddy's for that kind gesture. It also is much nicer for the customer when the oozing globs of sweat that run from my forehead don't drip into their food. Then, I have to say, "Sorry, I will get you a knew chicken." It is very awkward. The second thing that is different is that I obviously have more time to work. Whenever I am scheduled more, it seems like the hours can either go by faster or slower depending on how I feel. If I am in a mood to socialize in be friendly, I enjoy being at work and the time flies. If I feel like sitting in a corner by myself, night shifts are fine, but day shifts are awful. I actually have to pretend to be happy.

Another major difference between summer and school hours is that it is busier. People have more time on their hands to go to the grocery store and yell at me because I do not know where the roasted peanuts are (and who really knows where those are? Aisle 6, apparently). The night shifts are much busier on summer weekdays because children do not have to worry about waking up at 5:30 the next morning. It is nicer when it is busier because time moves faster when I am not looking at the clock every five seconds, still I do not like the awkward run-ins with people who I know but are not really my friends. Social situations while in uniform almost always result in awkwardness.

The biggest difference between summer and school hours is that I usually do not dread going to work. Since it is summer, I know there are barely any responsibilities I need to take care of before or after work which makes Freddy's that much more enjoyable. Sure, sometimes it messes with my plans, but I can usually find someone to cover a shift for me. The people of Freddy's are nice, hard-working people who have my back. Unless is there's a ten dollar bill taped to it, in which case, I would immediately start running cause the pay isn't great.

I Have Incredible Work Ethic

I would like to talk about long nights. Not the kind of long night where you stay up late partying until Ke$ha tells you to keep it down. I am talking about those long nights when you have a big project due the next day. I would like to take you through a timeline of what a long night looks like for me. First of all, I get home and I take a nap. It's obviously been a very tiring day. The nap lasts for about two hours so it's about five right now. Then, I decide that it's too close to dinner time to really get started on something. I wait for my parents to get home at about 5:15 and they tell me that i should just make something myself. I am extremely upset about this, so I spend the next fifteen minutes complaining about the fact that we never go out to eat anymore. Then, for another fifteen minutes I get lectured about how much money we have and I end up eating a bowl of cereal. I linger with my cereal and finally my mom tells me to quit dillydallying and go finish my homework. I scamper upstairs and start.

Here's how I start: I get on Facebook. I check my news feed to see if anything exciting or dramatic has happened in the last few hours since I have checked it. Then, I watch some of my favorite YouTube videos. If it's Friday, I will be entertained by the musical talents of Ms. Rebecca Black. Then, I write an introduction for whatever it I am writing. Then, I have done a lot of work so I decide it is time for a break. By this time it is 8:30 and I am downstairs eating a freezepop. It takes a while and Family Guy is on so I have to stay and watch the full episode. At 9:00, I start to get scared. I begin to write the main part of what I am working on. My eyelids fall closed slowly. I realize I am drifting, but I fight through the pain. Pretty soon, half of the body is done and it is...12:30. I decide that I can't do it all right now, so I am going to take two hour naps and do a part of the project after each one. I go to sleep and never wake up again. When the alarm goes off at 2:30, I decide, "I'll just turn it in late." And I do. The End.

The Penultimate Year

Show choir is over. For the year! We had such a great year! This year, we received three grand champions. The amazing part is that after ten of our group members made bad choices, we still managed to win two more grand championships without them. We had our going out concert two weeks ago and it was quite emotional. We had grown extremely close as a choir and nobody wanted to see the seniors leave. At the end of going out concert, we all sang the song "Forever" which we only learned once, but it didn't matter. We all understood the message that true friends are forever and will never leave.

Anyway, now that this year's show choir season is over, it is time to look towards next year. We recently had auditions and the lists were posted the day after the choir banquet. There was a certain amount of drama when it comes to the list (as there always is), but not as much as past years, it seemed. I am very excited for next year. Based on the list, we have a very strong group of singers and dancers. Plus, I am excited to be a senior and experience all of the things that seniors got to do, such as going up on stage to accept awards.

It is not just choir that I am excited to be a senior for. In the drama department, it always seems like junior year is the year that you have to prove yourself and if you do, senior year runs pretty smoothly. I will finally be able to sit on the senior bench, but I don't think that I will have much time to do that with all of the AP tests I am taking. Senior year should be a blast and i can't wait to be top dog at the school. Still, I remember when seniors would look down on me so I am going to try and be as nice as possible to underclassmen.

I have a great junior year and I will be sad to leave high school, but it seems like senior year is the one that everyone remembers. It's the time when you make the friends you stay in contact with during college and when you decide where and what you want to go to college for. I have yet to decide if I want to do theatre in college. On one hand, I love to do it and it makes me happy, but, on the other hand, it might not provide a stable job for me. Otherwise, I will probably do something in business.

Diet Smiles

When you work three days in a row, your feet start to hurt. Not only your feet, but also your legs start to wobble, your tendons start to separate, and your heart cracks in two (I started to get a little bit metaphorical towards the end there). When I work three days in a row, there's only one thing that keeps me going: cruddy store-brand pop. With cruddy store-brand pop, you can find everything you need. Looking for something like Mountain Dew? Try Sassy Bubbles! It's just like Mountain Dew except with a longer aftertaste that lingers while you sleep and in the morning you smell like the immigrant worker who slaved away to make all those Sassy Bubbles.

You might also try some flavors that are simply listed as colors. You may think that Magenta is a sort of grape drink, but it's actually made from high fructose corn syrup and artificial fruit. Who knows if there's any grapes in there? Go ahead, find out! Maybe you might want to try some Yellow. It's not actually urine, but it sure does look like it!

There are also pops that are merely labeled as feelings you get when you drink them. For example, Warm is a popular favorite of mine. Not only is this pop incapable of being refrigerated but it also makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. If that's not your alley and you are looking for something a little bit darker, you might want to try Mellow. It's not yellow like Mellow Yellow (thank goodness, because how else would you tell them apart?). It's actually black. Made from real tar and cherry flavoring, Mellow just makes you feel like an oversized oil rig. Then there's nothing to do but lie on the couch and watch T.V.

Whatever your choice in cruddy store brand pop may be, I hope you understand that there are side effects. For example, I haven't done any homework for six months. You know when I started drinking cruddy store brand pop? Six months ago! It gets me through those long, hard days, which, as of late, has been every day. I know they aren't always the healthiest for you but who needs healthiness when you have youth?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Are You Urban? I'm Urban like a Turban!

As an arty, young hipster, I find myself often contemplating why i am working. I'm cool. I'm suave. I'm a gingerly stroll down a long meadow of flowers. Since my view of myself can only be taken as "urban", I took it upon myself to look up the term "work" in Urban Dictionary. Next to Wikipedia, this is where I get all of my research information. So, here it is, the first definition of work according to Urban Dictionary:

"A worldwide slave labour organisation used to control modern man and prevent independant thought from occuring in any form. This is the reason it's much harder to make anything of yourself working in creative arts, such as acting and singing - the government sees anyone more popular than them as a threat to their power. It is also an ingenious creation to make placebos such as computers and photocopiers look important to our way of life. Some may argue that the workplace is desigend to build character and learn about teamwork...others prefer to think of it as the perfect place to practise your aiming skills as you throw ball after ball of scrunched up paper into the bin in the corner, then make a little competition out of it with fellow colleagues."

Well, let's analyze this statement, shall we? The definition starts off with cleverly comparing the workforce to a slave organization. This makes complete sense because I work four shifts and slave worked all day long. I have a boss that respects me and listens to my ideas and slaves had harsh plantation owners who beat them. I get a paycheck and they got crappy food. Excellent analogy. Next, we move on to the statement about how acting and singing are hard to get jobs in because the government doesn't like people who become more famous than them. Another brilliant point. I have been working on a theory that famous people don't actually exist. They're just robots that have been created by the government to make them look better. It's nice to know that someone out there shares a similar opinion.

The next line uses some fancy words like "placebo" and "photocopiers" (Ooooohh). The overall effect of such sophisticated diction is that I believe him. I know that he isn't some fourteen year old girl writing about work. Instead, she could easily be fifteen (maybe sixteen). Guess what they do next? They address counterarguments! Wow! I hope that someday I can address the points of the opposite party by sarcastically and rudely stating that work is nothing more than throwing paper balls. Such an illuminating piece of work. Urban Dictionary is the new encyclopedia. In case you didn't catch on, I think this definition is stupid. Here's the second one:

A place where people have to go everyday to get paid. Also known as "hell".

This one I completely agree with.

Friday, April 15, 2011

POOP FINGERS.

I have a friend. Let's call her Crystal-Methanie. She has been working at Freddy's for the same amount of time that I have. She complains a lot, but she is a good worker, friendly with the customers, and doesn't have TOO many piercings. Still, for some reason I am a checker and she is but a lowly courtesy bag girl. Sometimes I will ask Crystal-Methanie why she thinks she is still a courtesy. Here is her story she told me:

"I was seven years old when my grandfather first told me that I was gonna work at Freddy's. He had worked there and my grandfather's grandfather had worked there and my grandfather's grandfather's godfather had worked there. So, when I saw that they were hiring I figured this was my opportunity. Unfortunately, Grandpapa had just passed away the week before and I knew that he would be soooo proud of me for having gotten a job at Freddy's. They told me, 'Most people start off as courtesy and quickly become checkers." So, I was patient.

I washed the windows, took in the carts (even in the sleet and snow), and picked up poop off the bathroom floor. Let me tell you, once you pick up poop with your bare hands, you don't get the stain out for weeks. People look at you and go, 'There's Poop Fingers! Better hide yo' hands in yo' pockets!' Eventually, I developed the nickname Crystal-Methanie because i had turned to a life of drugs and pain. I'm not a checker yet. It may have something to do with ma' poop fingers or my drug use, but I'm pretty sure it's racial discrimination.

As a middle-class white student, the managers discriminated against me and my people. I grew up in the deep, treacherous ghettos of Beverly Hills. Then, I moved to Iowa and I thought those days were behind me. I'm thinkin' bout complainin' to Human Resources about my issue. Also, I have a complaint to make about people stealin' my lunch in the break room. I spend hours makin' my salami/peanut butter sandwiches and I don't appreciate when people steal my peanut butter. Metaphorically, peanut butter is like drugs to me. Still, I've decided to move on with my life. I will no longer pick up poop off the floor and be called 'Poop Fingers'. I will fight for women's rights and push for-"

Alright, 399 words. Good enough.